Over or Under-whelmed?

Next month is a big month, my husband's birthday, Easter holidays, school holidays, throw in ANZAC day too and that rounds it off nicely.

We aren't sure if we will be taking some time to go camping during the school holidays yet - that might be too much - but we have to do something with the kids, or they will drive us mad.
It's also my niece and my sister n law's birthday early in the month, so I have presents to sort out and get posted away soon.

Oh and our 16 year old nephew is coming to stay with us for a while from tomorrow.  We are fortunate to have the caravan to accommodate him, but it's not a permanent arrangement.

Really it's just the norm I guess, there's always something happening that needs planning for and realistically I'm not completely unprepared - just feeling a little overwhelmed, or is it underwhelmed by it all?

Deflated

I've felt so deflated the past week.  It's a combination of boredom, exhaustion and hopelessness. I've not given up on weight loss - but I've not been dedicated to it either.  The reason being, that I'm not feeling remotely committed to anything.

I feel this emptiness in my core at the moment - it's hard to feel enthusiatic about anything - yoga, work, housework, children's events, house improvements, family holidays... all the things that would normally excite and invigorate me or have me leaping to action are leaving me feeling, well uninspired.

The only solace I find is in food, HGTV and mind numbing games on my phone or a quick Facebook fix.  This truly is pathetic.  There are so many other things I could and SHOULD be doing other than those things, but I feel as though I keep being beaten back by them.

I can't seem to find an even keel, it all seems too hard - the never-ending fight to stay on top of everything (and it is a fight).   A tidy house is quickly replaced with a horrendous mess, a good day's nutrition and exercise is backed up with a day of over indulgence and slothiness,  a day of excellent progress at work is overshadowed by a day of inactivity and procrastination.

It's the feeling of treading water and knowing you're staying afloat, but you aren't getting anywhere and if you stop treading then you're going under.  There is only way out is to start swimming, it's either that or let yourself sink and I can't do that.  It's time to get pumped up and find some energy and motivated and some enthusiasm for life!!

Gaining Again

I weighed myself this morning and the news was not good.  I've managed to gain 2 kgs over the past 2 weeks!  I didn't need a set of scales to tell me that really.  I can see the physical changes and tightness in my clothing.  I'm at the cusp of a clothing size increase and it is, well, it's depressing.

I have continued with my yoga, but it's becoming a harder mental battle to get on the mat in the morning.  I think I'm ready for a switch in routine, I don't want to hate doing it.

I have managed to inject more vegetables into our family diet which is great.  Portions and snacks are still a huge issue.  Saying 'No' has become a strain as well.  I say 'Yes' far too often and the result is that I am now 88.1 kgs.  I haven't seen a loss in over a month and that is what really motivates me.

Where I'm At

I'm the same weight I was a month ago.  It's disappointing, but relieving that I'm not gaining weight with the diet I've been consuming.  I can thank yoga for saving my bacon on that count.  I also have increased core strength, I'm feeling more flexible and my circulation has been better for it.

I've finally become comfortable with a 40 minute yoga routine.  It took longer than I'd anticipated and I plan to continue with 40 minutes for another week or so before moving up to 60 minutes.  I really was over ambitious with moving up after just a week of 40 minute sessions.  I felt so sick after trying a 60 minute session - this time I want to be ready for the challenge.

I'm yet to add walking to my exercise regime.  I have either been sabotaged with other events to occupy my afternoons, or I just haven't prioritised this well - I'm going to say it is a bit of both. Today is no better - I have grocery shopping to attend to and this takes the entire afternoon before getting home in time to meet the kids off the school bus.  Walking will come in time...

Although walking would be great, I want to move my focus to diet right now.  I need to get back to grips with green smoothies for breakfast and getting my carb intake down.  It was been hard to say 'no' to myself lately.  My appetite seems ferocious and my energy levels become hugely affected by reducing my calorie intake.

It is a tough battle, but I need to make a stand and get though the initial shock of a reduction of carbs.  I know that in no time I will feel better for it, but it's just like an addict going through withdrawals - it's a hard process but necessary.

Yoga Routine for Weight Loss

Now that I'm becoming more confident with my yoga sessions again, I'm looking to expand my horizons and learn new positions and stretches.

Tomorrow I'm going to try something new that I read online.  It's  a 10 minute yoga routine and looks great.

Here's the link:  http://www.prevention.com/fitness/yoga/10-minute-gentle-yoga-routine-can-help-you-lose-weight

Yoga really is worth trying - the hardest part is getting on the mat, once you're there you will love it.

Yoga Fit

I have really noticed a difference in my strength and fitness, doing yoga 5 times a week for the past 3 weeks.  It hasn't translated to a significant weight loss as yet, but I'm pleased with my progress and my drive to keep up my early morning starts.

I'm hoping to start some afternoon walking sessions after work next week.   Some cardio will help burn some extra calories and further improve my fitness.  My goal is to get to a couple of hours of exercise each day.

The Scales Shift at Last

As of this morning, the scales shifted 300 grams to 86.0 kgs.  I'm 1 kg off my first goal of 85kgs.
It's a small loss, but I'm over the moon that the I've started losing weight.  It's been a long, hard week, but it is starting to make a difference.

One of my key weightloss strategies is finding a way to make the time pass without eating.
There are plenty of reasons why we over-eat.  For me it's sometimes out of habit, boredom or needing comfort.  I don't over-eat because I'm hungry, that's for certain.

My best technique for getting to the next meal without snacking is re-directing myself to something else to do.  There's always housework, but if that feels like too much of a punishment, I might try a beauty treatment, like a face mask or painting my nails.  Light exercise is also a good option, it has to be something that engages the brain - TV doesn't seem to switch off the urge to snack for me.

I'm not a 'small snacks and often' kind of girl.  When I eat something, I like to feel like I've had a filling meal that will sustain me until my next meal.  Snacks present me with the option of eating more than I should.  If I have a biscuit, will I then decide that one is not enough and go for two or three.  Before I know it, I've given myself permission to have a large snack and 300 extra calories I wouldn't have bothered with, if I had just set myself a no snacking regime.

Damage Report

My weight is 86.3kgs.  The good news is that it's stayed steady for the past 5 days.  The more obvious bad news is that my weight has stayed the same for the past 5 days!

While I have tried to improve my diet, I've largely been focused on reducing my portions.  I've also been waking early and doing morning yoga sessions.  Last week I did five 20 minute sessions, this week I'm pushing up to 40 minute sessions.  It means a 5:15 start to the day, but it is worthwhile to feel the benefits the yoga provides.

I don't seem to be any less tired during the day, but I tend to crash hard at 10pm.  At least that makes getting to sleep easy.

At this point, I looking forward to making some progress towards my 85kg target.  It will feel so sweet to get the ball rolling and working my way slowly back to the 70's.

So What Now?

God - I didn't realise it has been more than just a few months since my last post - it has in fact been 8 months since I last posted, and in that time I have gained an average of about 1 kg per month!

To be fair it's not a surprise.  That Christmas / holiday season was the biggest contributing factor.  I struggled to control my urge to indulge and I just completely let loose - and boy do I mean let loose. I'm talking large portions, carb rich snacks, sweet treats and all those Christmas calorie-dense goodies.

I spent a bit of time going over and reading some of my old posts this morning.  I was in such a great head-space about a year ago, but then, what happened?  Well things just slowly started falling away... I stopped getting out the nutri-ninja, my batteries gave up in my bathroom scales, my fit-bit stopped charging properly, my blogger account kept throwing me out... it all seemed too hard to fix, to hard to even try.  So what'd I do, I just gave up and thought - I will just wait until I'm in the right head-space to deal with it all.

Frankly, I'm surprised the damage was not worse, but I'm still bitterly disappointed that I find myself back in this place - back where I didn't want to be - confronting myself about my eating habits and the resulting weight gain.  I'm glad I'm doing this now and not in another 20 kg's time - but I'm certainly not proud of myself for what has happened.

So here I am 8 months later and wondering why - why and how did I let it happen?   The more important question though is:  What am I going to do about it now?

The Unknown

I don't know what I weigh, but I know that I am considerably heavier than my last post a few months back.

I am stretching the limits of my size 14 clothing and I'm feeling weighed down by my guilt about over eating.

I have gotten off track and I am trying to get back on it. Right now I'm too scared to even get close to the scales. I know I have to, but the unknown is easier right now.