Christmas is Coming

Money has been haemorrhaging out of Bank account this year. I have finished Christmas shopping for the kids and have managed to get the wrapping all wrapt up for them too.  I still have adults to shop for but the liquor shop will be doing a nice trade from me this year, with a nice bottle of this or that planned for most of the over 20's and a cheap but nice gift bag and some tissue paper the choice of wrapping.  Sounds boring and less than heartfelt, but to be honest I know that the gifts will get used and will be of adequate value to ensure that there are no disappointed giftees.

So apart from blowing the budget, I am making good progress and feeling reasonably positive about my Christmas preparedness.

Birthday Blues

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm feeling decidedly sad about it. I'm not sure I can deal with the disappointment of it all. For this reason it will be my last birthday. I no longer want the recognition or the lame gifts and cards. It is all a big pain in the ass and I always end up feeling either completely let down or just plain forgotten.

From now on the date is to go from the calendar and anyone who disrespects this request will not be met with appreciation.

This year it appears that my present is a surprise visit from my Mum (in a couple of weeks) just what I need two weeks before Christmas. My husband organised it and my Mum managed to spoil the surprise today by telling me that Brent had neglected to send her her electronic ticket for her trip down next month.  Well he's sent it now - I'm less than impressed and he knows it.

It doesn't seem that he is capable of getting me a gift that I can enjoy for myself, this year I got him a massage and facial voucher. Even though his birthday was 7 months ago it has managed to take until THIS week for him to use the voucher.

To top it off, I mentioned that my Mum was putting some money into my bank account for me to get myself something I wanted for my birthday and Brent told me I should use it to pay the visa account!

These are all good reasons for me to cancel my birthday from now.

I'm really not sure that Brent even likes me at all.  I would feel much better if I just didn't have to deal with it again.

Summer time and the living is...

It would be nice if it were easy. In some respects it is easy, in others it is much harder. It is harder with Christmas just around the corner, it is harder with having extended family staying and it is harder to keep the finances under control. The reality of making a long term commitment is starting to sink in and the sacrifices that it comes with. I'm trying to have an attitude of gratitude and appreciate all I have,  but I have always had trouble sharing and I'm not sure if I am happy with the compromises I have to make but I'm in it for the long haul now and there is nothing I can do but grab onto something and try not to fall off the ride

New Enthusiasm

I've had a small burst of enthusiasm - the first actually since our extended family arrived to live with us. I think we have been adjusting to each other and trying to find a compromise in some areas has been a challenge.  I am no longer working - I found the juggle of work and family life too much and I just decided that the gain (financial or otherwise) was not worth the struggle.  So I will need to look at options for the future in the new year.

Checked Out

We have been a month in our new home and I've been enjoying the space and views. The kids are enjoying getting outside, when the weather and their change of season colds have permitted it. I have - to a degree lost interest in decorating and making the place home. It's not that I don't care or that I won't care in a few weeks, but more that I have been busy with work and our extended family arriving to live with us and for now I've decided to checkout and invest my time and energy elsewhere. 

The Final Countdown

Only a few days now until we move into our new home. I've not allowed myself to get too excited, there is so much work to do to prepare to move that it has dulled down the enjoyment of having a new home with more space to enjoy.  I am feeling restless and uncertain about how prepared I am for the move, there are other things playing on my mind too, but there is little point in worrying until I get to the new house and get settled. I'm concerned about the financial situation - as it stands now and going forward. It is going to be a tight 12 months and I'm going to be frustrated, wanting to decorate and nest in the new home without a budget to do what I'd like.  I'm even stressed about over decorating the new house and then there's work creeping into my sphere of concern. It's ridiculous really, these are hardly things to be overly worried about, but I guess it's in my nature and I will always find something to stress over.

2 x 2 = Just AWFUL

Having 2 year old twins has to be the most tiring, trying and overwhelming time of my life. I have never wanted so much to just walk away and just look out for myself. I feel like I'm turning into a monster mother and wicked wife (in the evil sense), I feel guilty most of the time for my behavior and the rest of the time I'm past giving a sh*te!  It may just be because I'm preparing to move house in a few short weeks or that work is proving a challenge most days. I wish I could be more and give more of myself to my family, but I also wish they'd take a bit less sometimes too!

Fully Functioning

I have done pretty good this week with the routine and making progress on most areas. By Friday though, the tank was empty and I just couldn't be bothered maintaining the effort. I really do wonder how some people operate at full functionality all the time. I know that when I'm motivated, I can achieve truly amazing things - but my ability to stay motivated and function at that level is severely restricted. How do I improve my ability to become fully functional most of the time?

Packing Progress

It has been very slow progress to date, but we are finally getting there with the packing.  We have 6 weeks till moving day and I am determined that I am not going to leave it till the last minute.  Each weekend we are picking areas to work on and although it seems like it is taking forever, I feel like I have turned a corner in my mental preparedness for the move and that I am more in control of the process.

New Hope in a New Home

We have found a new home to move to in a few months, it is larger, so has more space for us to spread out and is set on an acre of land which comes complete with chickens and a ride-on mower. 

I am excited about the move and already have grand plans about transforming the interior into something a little more like a country home. The problem is the lack of budget.  With every last penny and then some going into the purchase of the house, there is NO budget for re-decorating and with a bigger mortgage its not going to be easy to set aside money either.  I will just have to make do with what I have and what I can make from next to nothing.

Respect to Working Mums

I'm 10 weeks into my job and I'm at a point where I'm really beginning to appreciate the plight of working mums and the constant struggle to meet all the demands of home and work. I don't know how I'm going to keep this up.

4 Days To Get Sorted

My Mum arrives on Saturday and unfortunately the house is not fit to receive visitors at this point. The house is full to the gunnels and short of getting a heap of boxes and storing away some of our 'stuff' I can't see the situation is going to improve. Hopefully Mum will be able to help with a declutter and some re-organisation.

Losing The Plot

Things are going from bad to worse with our routine, messy house, takeaway meals, stressy mornings, we are both at breaking point and I'm pretty sure that we are both relying on each other to pick up the slack - but neither of us are prepared to do it. I need to get us out of this place, where everything seems too hard and there is always something more important than organising our home lives. I'm to the point where I believe the only way to fix our situation is to move to a larger house, even though I know it's not the answer. I'm really struggling - how can I make this better?

Thank God It's Monday!

The carpets have been shampooed and the dog has too.  The dishes did get done and the benches wiped down.  Some of the washing got put away and some of the toys got tidied away.  It has felt a bit less chaotic today, but it is still a shambles and I'm not happy about it.
We have had a terrible time with getting the twins to sleep in the last few weeks, at present they are both in their rooms in a state of emotional distress - sobbing to be allowed out.  We have already had them up after putting them to bed once and although this makes them extremely happy, it doesn't help us to set a status quo around bed times and give us the all important 'quiet and kid free time' of an evening.  I think we are stuck with the current situation for a while now until they get the message that they are not to get up after they have been put to bed - it's not fun, but necessary.
It has not been the best long weekend for rest, relaxation or quality family time.  It hasn't been fun at all and at this point I am looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow - TGIM!

When Tornado and Volcano meet Apocalypse

There are no words that can fully describe the level of destruction in my home. I can't even begin to explain my panic and embarrassment at the thought of visitors coming to see us this afternoon. I have no plan to manage the situation, I have no hope if being able to fix it. It's not the end of the world - or is it?

Just a Quiet One

When people have asked me what I'm up to for Easter this year, my response has been - 'just a quiet one at home with the kids' which is actually an oxymoron.
Hoping to get stuck into a to-do list for the weekend, will have to see how it goes...

When Tornado Meets Volcano

Every single room in the house currently looks like the result of a natural disaster, actually you could say it is - a twin disaster zone and I know exactly how overwhelmed Civil Defense feel when they get thrown into the chaos. To be fair, the twins are not the only cause but they certainly do hamper the emergency management effort! The weekends have been a combination of clean-up effort, search and rescue (usually a whole lot of items that went missing during the week) and strategic planning - preparation for the week ahead. My daily morning and evening routine charts seem to have gone out the window this week. Next week needs to be different or I'm not going to be able to cope with the weekends :-(

Passing the Test

It's been a funny old week with having a nasty cold and a few short night's sleep with toddlers not sticking to the sleep routine.  It seems to be some kind of test to see if I can cope with everything on top of my new job.  So far I am hanging in there, taking each day as it comes and hoping for the best.  It's not a great place to be, but what can you do?  I don't want to be a moaner, I am actually a very positive person, so I'm not going to bleat on about it, I'm going to say that I am nailing my job at the moment and that although I'm making mistakes as I go along, I am making a sound contribution and I think I have the ability to really blow them away - once I learn what the heck I'm doing :-)

The Daily Grind

For the first time in over 3 years I am back in paid employment.  I was tempted to write 'back at work' but the reality is that I have been working by butt off the past 3 years, of course that was unpaid employment in the home.  Being a stay at home Mum is extremely hard work, so much so in fact that I decided to take a break and return to the workforce.  I am doing part-time hours, although 30 hours is almost close enough to say full-time when you add in an hour and a quarter per day of commuting and then all the prep work to get out the door.  Then work doesn't really finish at the end of the day it just flows into household responsibilities and before you know it, the day is done and it's time to start preparing for the following day.  I'm glad I only work 30 hours, but my pay reflects that and with daycare for the twins and motoring expenses it hardly seems worthwhile at the moment, but hopefully at some point it will make sense and it will help us to achieve some of our goals.
So far I have enjoyed my new employment experience, I have had a fairly intensive 2 week induction and next week I head into more on-job training which I am looking forward to.  The hard part is getting back into the daily grind, forcing myself to adhere to a new and very structured routine and making everything else work around it.  It has been exhausting using my brain in such a different way and taking in all the new information and processes.  I have met so many new faces and had a whirlwind introduction to the organisational culture and all the diversity of personalities that make a place tick.  It can be very overwhelming but I have been keeping up.
I aim to exceed expectations and make this role everything that I know it can be.  For now, setting myself up for success is key and that means forming a strong support network, building sound relationships - particularly within my team but also across the business, staying organised, streamling processes where I can and keeping on top of the workload.  That should all be no problem :-)  

Need More Motivation

In 15 hours our visitors will arrive, why can't I just get on with it? I feel like I deserve a break but I need to get over myself and just get to it!

Productive Week

It has been extremely productive in some areas this week, while not so in others. In the past 7 days I have done 2 walks and 3 swims and I'm starting to feel the positive effects on my health and mental wellbeing as well as some weight loss already. I also attended a second interview for a part-time job and was offered the position subject to reference checking which I am confident about, so looks like this chick is heading back to work! That aside, the house is a shambles and my visitors arrive tomorrow!! I have a daunting task ahead of me cleaning and tidying the house which has really slipped in the last week. I have to dig deep to get it done, but I'm sure the looming deadline will help motivate me.

9 Days Rest

Our visitors left yesterday, that gives us 9 days before our next lot of visitors arrive. I have a list a mile long of things I'd like to get done before they get here, whether or not we get around to them or not is another story. We have had fabulous weather so there should be no excuses for getting the garden done. We have made a start, but got a bit to get done yet!

Party Success!

I was right impressed with Coral's Chipmunks party, I felt like it flowed really well and it was great just to leave the mess for someone else to deal with. As usual I stressed over it far more than I should have, guess it's just in my nature.

Chipmunks Tomorrow

I am becoming anxious about the party tomorrow, I guess it's the thought of the success of the party being out of my hands and in those of Chipmunks. I seriously hope they are well organised and that it goes off without a hitch, especially for the price!
After tomorrow I'm hoping I'll be able to relax a little and get on with a few projects. Really excited about getting the garden better set-up as a play area for the kids. I'm thinking climbing frame, tunnel, slide, stepping stones, fence mounted blackboard and bright flower beds.

Miss Soon to be Six

The year has barely started and I feel as though we are not getting off to a positive start. I am really just getting through each day at the moment, hoping that tomorrow will be better or at least closer to better. It's my eldest's 6th birthday tomorrow, hard to believe. We are having a Chipmunks party on Saturday and I just can't wait - for it to be over! Miss soon to be 6 has had a rotten attitude all week in anticipation for her birthday and all the presents she will be receiving. Her bratish behaviour is really getting on my nerves. It is back to school for her next week - now that is something to look forward to :-)

Ready, Set, Guests!

We have been back a couple of days now and the unpacking continues.  We are also preparing for visitors arriving on Sunday evening, so, as well as unpacking and doing mountains of washing we are readying the playroom / Coral's room / spare room for our guests.
After a bit of moving things around and trying out a new position for the bed, the layout looks great, but there is still loads of cleaning to do and then all the 'dressing' with fresh bedlinen for the bed and other guest essentials to get done in the next 48 hours.  I'm not concerned about it not getting done in time, I will just do what I can and chip away at the rest during their stay - fortunately they are awesome house guests and will not mind at all helping out around the house and minding the kiddies.
I hope to have some pictures of the finished room soon!

Home Sweet Home

We are back from our camping trip, it was a mixture of good times, hard work and straight chaos. The twins at 19 months old were the biggest challenge (as I knew they'd be), they were constantly touching things they shouldn't and trying to breach the perimeter of our camp sites. The other two families we were with helped to contain them where they could, but it was hard to properly relax when there was always that worry about where the twins were and what they were doing. On the upside we had some awesome family time together at the beach and in the camp playground which was only a short walk from our sites. We took loads of photos and made lots of memories and the experience really made us appreciate getting back to our home sweet home.